Introversion vs. Extroversion: An Extrovert's opinion

Bethany Lang-Vander Schans· July 1^st, 2014 

Originally posted to Coursera

Enhance Your Career and Employability Skills

I am very interested in the idea of Introversion vs. Extroversion and being unable to overcome this in a job search or finding extroversion to be vulgar and needy. I work as a career counselor. I am extroverted which serves me very well because a great deal of my professional life involves public relations and sales. I work for a college, and it is my job to market graduates to companies for job interviews and to coach those graduates in good job search habits. To be successful, I have to network network network. I use every avenue and opportunity to do so; this includes but is not limited to social networking, job fairs, networking events, building relationships with community outreach programs, Chamber of Commerce activities, and cold calling. The latter being the bane of my existence, but it is extremely effective when done correctly. Here is a great article on the subject: https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140630220305-42858647-how-to-find-the-courage-to-cold-... Alas, I am not intending to write about cold calling, so please allow me to return to the topic at hand...professional networking.

Very recently I was frustrated by this very topic in my personal life, which spilled into my professional life a bit. A dear friend, who we shall call Marcus, has been a great success with company X for several years now. However, he is beginning to feel that there will be no more opportunities to grow within the company. Working for company X has provided Marcus the opportunity to be on the advisory board for organization Y. He has met many great people in his industry while serving on the advisory board. Organization Y will be opening up a brand new innovative concept which Marcus has been instrumental in helping plan through his involvement in the advisory board. Marcus has expressed to me a desire to be the director of the exciting new concept. Being a career counselor, I wanted to offer some suggestions to help plant the idea into the heads of those in charge to visualize him as a candidate. It must be said; he is extraordinarily qualified for the position. The facility won't be opening for several months; however, Organization Y recently held a ribbon cutting for a separate facility, and through my involvement in the local Chamber of Commerce, I was invited to attend. I invited Marcus as my guest, as I felt it would be a great opportunity to network with people who would be making hiring decision in the future and show them how invested he is in the projects and work of the organization. He initially agreed, but stood me up in the end. The ribbon cutting went on despite his absence and there was great conversation and the facility is amazing. In short, networking happened. When I asked Marcus why he didn't make it, he responded that he is introverted and didn't want to be to pushy.

Marcus may very well in the future leave Company X, be a success in attaining his desired position with Organization Y, and become the Director of Concept Z. There is no doubt in my mind that he is qualified, but the job market is so competitive. The pool of candidates is the most educated group of people that has ever been. The fact is that in every arena of life there will be someone smarter, faster, and stronger than you. When it is the choice between two qualified candidates the manager will always choose the person they happen to have met a few mounts ago at a ribbon cutting. Why would someone deny themselves an edge on the competition? When it comes to Introversion vs. Extroversion in a job search, it is best to fake it til you make it. Go team Extrovert! Now go shake some hands!

Woman's History Month

K. V. Switzer, #261

“I wasn’t running Boston to prove anything; I was just a kid who wanted to run her first marathon.” –Kathrine Switzer

         

            1967 was a dynamic year for progress and social change. 1967 saw the appointment of the first Black Supreme Court Justice, the honorable Thurgood Marshall. The Supreme Court ended laws banning interracial marriage. It was the year Aretha Franklin released R.E.S.P.E.C.T., which is fitting in light of what I have learned about Kathrine Switzer. On Patriot’s Day of that year, as is true every year since 1897, the 71^st Boston Marathon was run in Boston, Massachusetts. A man by the name of Dave McKenzie won that year with an impressive time of 2 hours and 15 minutes. A lesser known and quieter victory is that of K. V. Switzer, who was the first registered woman to run the Boston Marathon.

            Switzer did not technically break any rules by entering the race. There were not any official regulations against it; however, there were many beliefs that a woman should not participate in long distance runs because it would hurt her reproductive system. There is zero empirical information to support this claim, but it was the belief of the time. Kathrine trained hard, even out running her trainer during her distance trial, 3 weeks before the race, by running an extra 5 miles, 31 miles total. Her trainer, Arnie, a seasoned marathoner, passed out from the massive effort of running the distance with her.

            When race day finally arrived, Kathrine was ready and confident, albeit, humbled by the gifted athletes she was running alongside. She received overwhelming support and encouragement from her male peers, one of who stated, “It is great to have a girl out here. I wish I could convince my wife to run.” A few miles into the race, her group was approached by the flatbed press truck. The reporters soon realized there was a woman in their midst and began rapidly asking her questions and taking her picture. She waved gregariously, happy to be part of such a prestigious race. The Marathon Director, Jock Semple, was aboard this truck. When he realized a female had entered the race, he jumped from the truck and ran after Kathrine. He pawed at her and tried to rip off her numbers, all the while screaming, “Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers!” Kathrine kept running. Her companions and fellow racers came to her defense. She kept running. The press tuck caught up to her again, but this time the questions asked were far less positive……”So, when are you going to quit?” and “What are you trying to prove?”

            Kathrine had not started the race trying to prove anything. She was simply a runner who wanted the opportunity to run a marathon, which is a big deal among runners. She did finish the race that day. In 1972, women were officially allowed to enter and race the Boston Marathon. Kathrine’s determination that day was instrumental in this rule change. Kathrine Switzer says it best when she describes what she was thinking during the race:

“The distance, as it always does, gave me time to think and dissipated my anger. Jock Semple didn't take me seriously, and that's why he attacked me. I wondered why other women didn't run, thinking that they just didn't get it. Wait a minute, maybe they believed all those old myths like running ruins your reproductive organs, and it scared them away because they didn't know better and nobody gave them opportunities to disprove this nonsense. My folks and Arnie had given me this chance, and it dawned on me that I was not special after all; just lucky. My thinking rolled on: The reason there are no intercollegiate sports for women at big universities, no scholarships, prize money, or any races longer than 800 meters is because women don't have the opportunities to prove they want those things. If they could just take part, they'd feel the power and accomplishment and the situation would change. After what happened today, I felt responsible to create those opportunities. I felt elated, like I'd made a great discovery. In fact, I had.”

Kathrine Switzer is absolutely right. Some women do not know their power. They do not know that they can do it. I hope Kathrine’s story empowers women and men both the way it has empowered me, and I certainly hope to make an impact like she did. I am quite enamored of this woman and her tenacity. Sometimes we don't know the difference we are making until we are right in the middle of the fray. Sometimes we just want to run the race too and end up kicking a hornets' nest.

References:

Switzer, K. “The Girl Who Started It All”. Runner’s World. March 26, 2007.

PBS. “MAKERS: WOMEN WHO MAKE AMERICA”.  Aired on: 2/26/13.

The story of your life in 250 words or less

The circumstances of my arrival on Earth were quite tumultuous. I am the daughter of a mentally ill, drug addicted alcoholic. I do no say this in a flippant way. My mother’s life was her life to live. Any resentment I had for her, I let go of quite some time ago. She had her reasons and I learned a lot from her and in spite of her, I loved her dearly. I also have a sister. My poor sister was the target of much of my resentment for our childhood, but I have since forgiven her for actual wrongs and ones I just made up, but punished her for nonetheless. She is my rock and my hero. There is a reason they say to never meet your hero, so I recommend you don’t have a hero who is a direct relative or a least be a bit more compassionate than me when you realize their humanity. At the tender age of 17, I became Olivia’s mother. This has defined me more than anything else. She is the very best of everything my mother, my sister, and myself are and were. She is the most fanatic person I have ever met. I can no longer remember what it is like to not be a mother. Sooner than I’d like, I will have been a mother for more of my life than not. That is ok. I am Cindy’s daughter, Lindsey’s kid sister, and Olivia’s mother. Not bad if I do say so myself.

My response to a question posed in my leadership class

So, what are your personal feelings about gender and leadership? And how do you think you formed these

personal feelings?

I feel that many women are well suited for leadership. Just looking at the demographic of our leadership class illustrates this fact. There are nearly equal men to women. There is nothing wrong with women working in the home as wives and mothers. That is a tough job that takes tremendous leadership ability, but women also deserve a shot at leadership outside of the home. Men should have a chance at working in the home too, without any stigma if that is what they want. There are too many unnecessary stigmas and barriers for men and women both. I think my beliefs on gender are so progressive because of my background. I was a foster child and a teenage parent. There have been many people in my life telling me what I could and could not do, some reasons good and some bad. When I grew up and became a woman, I had a hard time being told no just based on my gender alone. Everything else can be changed and improved, but I cannot stop being a female. This is why I am so head strong and independent. In addition, it is the reason why I am so insistent upon a career that will give me power and authority.  I have never had much power or authority, but I think I will rise to the occasion. Every woman should be given opportunities for power and authority, because the same desire for it in a man would never be discourage.

We must.

As I sit here on a quiet and sunny Sunday afternoon, my daughter and husband quietly read to my left on the sofa, I cannot stop thinking about violence. This is unfortunate because as I said, it is a lovely day. I should relish in it, but I can not. The minister of my church delivered a sermon today which moved me to tears. The main theme was nonviolence. He read off the names of the victims from the Aurora, Colorado shooting. They were real people. It is easy to forget that. In the giant mess of such a horrible mass murder, the names and faces of those most affected are easy to lump together and forget. But we must not do that. They are real people. Many churches across the country in the aftermath of this tragedy have had sermons encouraging congregants to get saved because you never know when your time is up. I am glad I do not go to a church like that.

What does it matter to get saved? What does that even mean? Does it mean you go to heaven? What is heaven exactly? What is hell? I think I know the answer to that last one. Hell is being gunned down in a movie theater at midnight, especially as a six year old. I imagine that little girl was having a wonder time that night. She was probably so delighted to be included in all the fun. She got to stay up late, and probably even got to have candy and soda well after midnight. I know my own daughter would have been on top of the world had it been her. That is such a lovely image, but never forget her true last moment on this earth was complete terror as a strange young man in full body armor, armed to the teeth, shot an automatic weapon into her tiny body. Her name was Veronica Moser-Sullivan. She was a real little girl and now she is really dead. Hell is being Veronica's mother. Having survived those moments of terror to wake up in the hospital to find that your beloved daughter has died a terrible violent death. I don't think this is what Jesus had in mind.

I saw a picture of the gunman recently that also moved me to tears. He is staring blankly ahead, wild red-orange hair a messy mop on his head. He looked so frightened and helpless. If I had been close enough to him to touch in that moment, I would have been compelled to hug him. Because that is what you do when someone has that look on their face. He looked as though he didn't have a friend in the world. Many have vowed that given the opportunity they would like to carry out many number of atrociously violent acts upon this young man. This isn't the way. This is not what Jesus had in mind.

When we left church today, humbled and renewed, we decided to stop off for a burger and fries at the best burger and fry joint this side of the Mississippi, Braum's. While I was waiting on my burger, I thought I would peek at my facebook and check on my friends. Everywhere was news of yet another deadly shooting. This time it was in Wisconsin, and this time at a place of worship. The reason is not yet clear, but is there ever a good reason for this violence? Seven more people are dead and the shooter. One story I read had accompanying comments from the readers. The very first comment read, "Have the liberals blamed the tea party yet?" I was baffled by this and nearly wept again. Before we've even learned the names of the victims, before we know the reasons for yet another unspeakable act of terrorism, and even before have taken the opportunity to comfort the families of the dead, we are laying blame, drawing lines in the sand and choosing sides. What madness! What is wrong with us? THIS IS NOT WHAT JESUS HAD IN MIND.

I cannot make sense of these senseless acts of terrorism. I think it is impossible. I don't think any of us need saving by God. We need to save ourselves and save each other from the Hell we have created for ourselves. We need to do good and do no harm in our lives. Our lives are so short. I think the true meaning of being saved is to be saved from one's own selfishness, and make this world just that much less hellish in our lifetime. The violence must stop. We must have compassion for each other. We must have compassion for the victims, as well as the aggressors. WE MUST. WE MUST. WE MUST.  Jesus didn't own a gun and this is not what he had in mind.

Color me...

Since this is my first blog post, naturally I could not think of a single thing to write.

I tried to think of something. Think. Think. Think. It is Harry Potter's birthday which is a shared celebration with his creator, JK Rowling. But no, not this time. Some post soon, I am sure, will be all about HP, and then I will have to come out of the nerd closet, but not yet. Tomorrow is the first day of the forth grade for my nine year old daughter, Olivia. That is certainly an interesting topic, but again...no. Maybe another time after she has had the time to tell me all the juicy details, which I will relay to you in full first day of school glory.

So sorry. I digress.

Finally, I decided to peruse the information conglomeration that is the World Wide Web. I found many interesting prompts. I want to express who I am in this first post. Tall order, I know. So I tried for find a prompt that will allow me to achieve this creatively.

The prompt I found (thank you so much lynhawks.com) is titled "Color Me...". It begins by quoting Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"I have a dream my four little children will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Beginning with an MLK quote is very promising. I am a tad ashamed to say that I had not read the iconic "I Have a Dream" speech in its entirety until today. It is beautiful. Dr. King was such a remarkable speaker.

Again, sorry. I digress.

What if we ignored our skin color, though it is surely unique and beautiful, but instead assigned a color (red, purple, blue, green, yellow, or orange) to the content of our character remembering that there is no bad color. Each color brings with it lovely and necessary qualities, that must help to balance the rest. Kumbayah. What about the essence of a person can be represented by a color? I feel that this is a deeply personal question. Here I go!

Color me...green.

If you've ever taken any art class, no matter how brief, you know that green is a secondary color which shows itself when yellow and blue mix. Naturally, I would pick such a complicated color. There is little straight forward about me. I feel like I am many things, and I hate being labeled. Sometimes I am bright and bubbly, which is yellow. Sometimes I am calm, contemplative, and quiet, which is blue.

Blue is a cool color. I mean that it is cool to the touch, both physically and emotionally. Compassion and kindness are blue. Initially, I imagined I was purple, but I realized quickly that is impossible. Purple is much to sexy. This comes from the contribution of red, which is passionate and fiery. I bet Sophia Vergara is red.

Passionate red + mysterious blue = Sexy and seductive purple

Yellow, on the other hand, is bright and shiny. I am very bright, in intelligence and disposition. I am friendly; yellow is very friendly.Yellow does get me out of my shell which is good. Again, because of red, I could never be an orange. The mixture of passion (red) and exuberance (yellow) create quite a handful of a person. My daughter is very Orangey.




But this is not about her.

So together, my duel personalities, yellow and blue, create my whole self, which is green. Green is natural, earthy, and adventurous. I am hungry for knowledge and new experiences, but I also love my old habits. I like things that I can depend upon. Despite my lack of red, I am passionate, just in a different way. My passion is more patient. I am a passionate defender and advocate for my daughter. I am also a passionate defender and advocate for myself, a rather recent development. I have a calm patience that can only be achieved through learning from many mistakes, my own and others', and a fair amount of maltreatment and suffering.

Greens tend to be gracious, so I wouldn't take anything back which made me a green. I love myself completely. You take the good; you take the bad; you take them both, and there you have the facts of life... the facts of life.

Hello world!!!

This will be fun. I will try to write interesting things. I have interesting thoughts, and I am excited to get them out of my head. Wish me luck!!!